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THE LOST CITY

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE HAPPY ENDING, IT'S ABOUT THE STORY.

DEFINING LOVE…

Once I was talking to a friend and he asked me to define love.  Easy, right?  But when I began with putting them into words, I couldn’t.  Why is it that no person has been able to define the most common feeling?  Because there are some things that can’t be defined.  Everything doesn’t need an explanation.  Being practical in life is good, but there will be time when all your experiences and knowledge flows out of your brain.  It will take over your mind.  What you think is love, is truly not.  You need to elevate your mind.  That’s when love happens. Is it the feeling that makes me wants to jump out with joy?  Or is it that touch that makes me wants to skip across the clouds?  I wonder if it is love when I feel happy to see his face, or is it love when I embrace him passionately?  It’s strange but words seem to welcome poverty when we try to find the meaning of love.
Perhaps I still don’t know what love is, because no one has ever told me what love is.  I’ve only read about it in books and listened to songs that try to explain the meaning of love.  I’ve heard songs that say love is like a river, some songs that say love is like an undying flame, and yet others that say love is like a warm breeze.  How can love be so many different things and yet be the same?

But I do know that my world stops when I’m with him.  I burn inside and warmth fills within me as he clasps my hand in his.  I smile or rather say blush whenever I see him.  I can’t stop blushing even after he leaves.  I lose sight of the world when I gaze into his eyes.  I don’t know what it is that makes me weak when he hugs me.  He makes me feel special when he’s around me.  But I did tell him that I loved him, but I’ve been thinking about that ever since the day I told him that, is it love really, what I feel for him?

When you were born, your parents didn’t wish for a child with great intellect or good looks.  They only wished for a child whom they can love to their fullest.  It took me one second to realize what love is all about, but it took me eighteen years to put them into words.  We all have been saying it to so many people but never bothered how deep this can truly mean.  Love is the deepest thing one can ever find.  Look deep into love, and then you will understand everything better.

And then I realised that love is a mixture of so many unsaid feelings.  Things that we want our beloved to know.  Things that our heart wants to say but the fear of rejection drag it down.

But ‘love’ was too small a word to explain everything I felt for him.  The meaning of love was just too simple.  It was a feeling that I still can’t describe.  I wondered if that was how love felt, like a beautiful sight that just can’t be explained even in a million words, but I knew it was special.  I just couldn’t find it justifiable to explain so many intangible feelings in a little four letter word.  But I did, and on that night, the sun shone in my heart and the bliss of the first kiss we shared felt like a never ending fairy tale. You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

When I confessed it to him that I love him, I didn’t really bothered what his response would be.  At that time, I wanted to tell him everything that I was feeling for him.  Everything.  There was no other way to express it.  So, that’s when I said, “I love you.”

At that very particular moment I realised, why I love you were termed as the three-magical words.  These three words define everything that we feel.

When I told him “I love you,” I meant forever.  No one here knows what the future holds.  No one knows what is going to happen, but when I said “I Love You,” it meant that I plan on loving you for as long as I live and I hope that nothing ever gets in the way of that.  I wouldn’t have said it, if I couldn’t paint a picture of our future.

“I can’t promise you forever, because that’s not long enough.”

– Jasinda Wilder, Falling into Us

 

 “To say that one waits a lifetime for his soul mate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting; take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soul mates, which takes a lifetime to perfect.”

― Criss Jami, Venus in Arms

When I told him “I love you,” I meant commitment.  It doesn’t mean “let me love you but let me go because I need to love these other people too.”  It doesn’t mean “I love you, I really do but I’m going to talk to this other person too and keep my options open.”  If I tell you that I love you, there is NO ONE ELSE.  I’m committed to you and only you.  I love you, and I don’t need anyone else.

“We have to recognise that there cannot be relationships unless there is commitment, unless there is loyalty, unless there is love, patience, persistence.”

― Cornel West, Breaking Bread: Insurgent Black Intellectual Life

When I told him “I love you,” I meant loving the dark parts too.  We all know that life isn’t always filled with sunshine and daisies.  Sometimes, it’s a big black cloud and a clap of thunder.  “I love you” means loving your person at their worst, loving their mistakes and their hardships, and sticking by their side through it all. If I say “I love you,” it means that I love you in the sunshine, but I love you in a storm too. 

There might turn up a situation where he comes to me and says, “I am scared of you. I tell you things about myself that I can’t even tell myself.”  The time will come when I will start loving you because I will start accepting your dark sides and failures as a part of you and our life, together.

When I told him “I love you,” I meant sacrifice.  There is no “if” in “I love you.”  It isn’t “I love you if you do things my way.” It isn’t “I’ll love you, but only if you agree to do this”.  To say “I love you” means that sometimes, you’re going to have to give up on what you and only you want. If I tell you that I love you, and you just happen to absolutely hate the blue cushions that I picked out for our living room sofa, I promise that we can find one that we both like. No matter how much I thought that blue cushions would go with our curtains (because it did). It’s not all about me. Life is a combination of Adjustments and Compromises.  “Adjust” when someone wants to be with you and “Compromise” when you want to be with someone.  This is real art of Living.

“Dreams do come true, if only we wish hard enough. You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it.”

― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

When I told him “I love you,” I meant “I promise we can get through anything.”  There will be fights. There will be tears. There will be struggles. There is no couple in the world that doesn’t go through these things. “I love you” doesn’t mean “run away when things get tough.” If I love you, I will stay and I will fight for you. If I tell you “I love you,” I promise you that I will never give up on you, no matter what. One can’t have a relationship without any fights, but, one can make the relationship worth the fight. It’s not the fighting that makes the relationship stronger.  It’s what takes place after the fighting; the making up.  It’s coming to the realisation that relationship is more important that the differences between the individuals.  It involves acts of forgiveness and acceptance of one’s mistakes.  We fight, and learn something new about our partner. That’s how it works. Real relationships aren’t perfect and perfect relationships aren’t real.

“If you love her. If you want her to stay. Fight for her.”

― Janet Gurtler The Truth About Us

When I told him “I love you,” I meant “I love you, and I mean it.”  Love isn’t something that you throw around to pass the time.  Love is forever.  It is a commitment.  It is a sacrifice.  It is stronger than anything else.

There is nothing in this world more special than love.  Quit telling people that you love them when you don’t really love them.  Quit saying “I love you” just so that you can get what you want.  Do not tell someone you love them if you don’t see a future with them. “I love you” is so much more than words.  When and if I tell someone that I love them, I mean it.  I promise, if you wait to say it until you mean it, it will feel like nothing you’ve ever felt before.

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LETTER FROM FAILURE

failure

Hey

I am someone who has always been with you. But no matter how much I tried to stay beside you, you have always hated me and wanted to stay away from me.

The first time when you opened your eyes and had a look at this world, I also took birth with you and yawned; though you didn’t know about me at that time.

When you were three years old, you had tried to stand up on your fragile legs to take your first step. I pushed you from the back and you fell down on your knees. You again stood up, and again I wanted you to lose but soon you started running and I lost one battle to you.

I remember when you were five years old; you were trying so hard to tie your shoelaces on your own. But I made sure that you didn’t do it perfectly in one go. I succeed. But does it really matter that you didn’t make it on first time, because you did that somehow. And then, I lost again.

Remember the first race that you lost when you were ten. I slowed down your speed. This time I was pretty sure that I will win. And I won when you were crying alone outside your classroom. However, my happiness didn’t last for long. Few other races made you the champion.

When you were fourteen, the language teacher gave you homework of writing three-page long essay. But as you reached home and tried to write it, I somehow made you fall asleep. The next day, you were punished for not writing it. That day, I won, but somewhere in the bottom of my heart I knew I was about to lose this too. It took you four years when you took fifteen minutes to complete one essay. You again made me lose.

When you were eighteen, you appeared for the entrance exams and you failed. I was happy. And then you took the decision to delay your success for one year. I thought you won’t be able to get through them. But you did. Now, let’s just not say that I again lost.

When you were twenty two years old, you had the campus placement, remember? You were trying hard to get placed. But I was the one behind all your rejections. I made you lose your job at twenty seven, but you came up with the idea of starting a startup.

Haven’t you wonder that if everything came so easily to everyone then no one would value whatever good come in their lives because they never have to earn it?

Right?

I was always here, and still, to make you realize the importance of hard work, the reward of persistence, the sweetness of patience and the value of earning something. Remember the tears that rolled down from your eyes when you won your race for the first time? Would they have come in your first race? No! You earned you success. You always showed me that nothing can drag you down.

I am here to make you learn that you can always surpass your limits and can be a better version of yourself. People fear and hate me. But I come in their lives for their good. Don’t be afraid of me. Learn from me.

We were born together, and together we shall be for evermore. No matter what, how much I tried to push you back and lose, someday or another, I lost all the battles against you. Don’t let me fade you or defeat you, and even if I win, there’s always another chance to prove me wrong.

Always being unsupportive,

Failure.

 

SCRAP 3

A jealous boyfriend once told his girlfriend not to talk to a guy (let’s call him XYZ) because it makes him feel insecure. It kills him from within.  He wanted to know why she can’t choose between them. The girlfriend wrote a small letter to him expressing what she feels.

 

Dear,

I know you are jealous of him. I can stop meeting him for you but why should I do that?  Because you are insecure?

This means you don’t trust me and your insecurities are way bigger than your love for me. If I am with you, I love you no matter what happens. Is this hard to understand?

Ever heard the name of Madhubala?

She was one of the famous artists of her time. Everyone loved her, but, what matters is who she loved.

“The only thing more frustrating than slanderers is those foolish enough to listen to them.” 

– Criss Jami , Killosophy

I love you. I always will.

jealous

SCRAPS 2

In what does greatness lies?

To give or to take?

What is important?

Winning or losing?

Ravan kidnapped Sita. Ram killed him. Had he stayed away from Sita he would not have died.

Kauravs won the gamble but lost the Kurukshetra war. Had they lost the gamble then all the brothers could have happily partied all their life.

Sometimes it’s better to leave than to get. Sometimes it is better to lose than winning.

The Emperor Ashoka is addressed as ‘The Great’ not because he always won but he knew when to lose.

One doesn’t fail when one loses, he fails when he don’t rise again.

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WE ARE ALIKE!

There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.

-Aldous Huxley

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Suppose that you have tried to reach your friend by calling her numerous times and have left few messages, yet have not received a call in return. In these kinds of situations, we human beings directly jump to the conclusion that your friends want to avoid you and what do we do about this? We leave this belief unchecked and begin to act as though it were true.3.jpg

We surround ourselves with information that matches our beliefs. When people would like a certain idea, concept or information to be true, they end up believing it to be true. They are motivated by wishful thinking. This error leads the individual to stop gathering information when the evidence gathered so far confirms the prejudices one would like to be true. This is known as confirmation bias. It occurs from the direct influence of desire on beliefs.

But, where do we get these beliefs from? If we are like most people, we probably like to believe that our beliefs are the result of years of experience and objective analysis of the information we have available. The reality is that all of us are vulnerable to a tricky problem known as a confirmation bias. despite the fact that we like to envision that our beliefs are rational, logical, and objective, the fact is that our ideas are often based on paying attention to the information that upholds our ideas and neglecting the information that challenges our existing beliefs. We tend to like people who think like us. If we agree with someone’s beliefs, we’re more prone to be friends with them. as this makes sense, it means that we subconsciously begin to ignore or dismiss anything that threatens our world views, since we enclose ourselves with people, ideas and information that confirm or matches what we already think. people who support or oppose a particular subject will not only hunt for information that supports their beliefs, they will also construe news stories in a way that upholds their existing ideas and remember things in a way that also reinforces these attitudes.

This is similar to the frequency illusions. The frequency illusion take place when you buy a new vehicle, and suddenly you see the same vehicle everywhere, or when a pregnant woman suddenly starts noticing other pregnant women all over the place. It’s a unperceptive experience, where our brains search for information or ideas that’s related to us and our beliefs, but we think there’s been an actual increase in the frequency of those happenings. Confirmation bias is a more dynamic form of the same experience. It takes place when we proactively search for information or ideas that confirms our existing beliefs and thoughts.

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“In an experiment in 1979 at the university of Minnesota, participants read a story about a women called Jane who acted extroverted in some situations and introverted in others. When the participants returned a few days later, they were divided into two groups. One group was asked if Jane would be suited to a job as a librarian, the other group were asked about her having a job as a real-estate agent. The librarian group remembered Jane as being introverted and later said that she would not be suited to a real-estate job. The real-estate group did the exact opposite: they remembered Jane as extroverted, said she would be suited to a real-estate job and when they were later asked if she would make a good librarian, they said no.”

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Whenever your opinions or beliefs are so intertwined with your self-image you couldn’t pull them away without damaging your core concepts of self, you avoid situations which may cause harm to those beliefs.

– David McRaney

It’s similar to how improving our body language can actually also change who we are as people. If we change our perception or the way we see the world then we can change who we are as people.

“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” 

-Wayne W. Dyer

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IF I COULD READ HER MIND

I know,

I would have held her hand

And would have told her

Everything’s gonna be fine, honey.

I would have taken a day off

Or say it a week,

And would have told her

I am always there for you, honey.

We would have gone for a brunch together

And I would have told her

Life is full of hurdles.

We would have gone to beach

And would have told her

Even when waves push you,

Don’t fall,

And if you fell,

Rise again.

We would have gone for shopping,

And i would have told her

After trying those hundreds of outfits,

Life is a beautiful thing to live.

I would have stopped her,

My daughter,

From slitting her wrist,

Only if I would have known what she has been through,

Only If I could read her mind.

WHEN SHE LEFT

giphy drowning

It felt like

Drowning in the lake

Where my voices got shunned

By the speech of waves.

Where,

I couldn’t breathe anymore,

Everything felt so numb.

Where,

The laughter of the trees, nearby

Echoed in my ears.

sky

It felt like

Falling from the tallest building

Where,

The breeze struck me

My throat choked,

Where,

I could see my end

Getting closer

Inch by inch.

 

And deep down my heart

I broke down.

She once told me

“And someday you will look back and

Try to find me, I am sure.

But it will be too late.

I will be long gone by then.”

And then she left me

Like a story

Without an ending.

PERPLEXED

time-to-move-on

Every night before going to sleep

I think about you

The moments when you are not in my mind

Are very very few.

I am never alone,

You are every time in my mind,

For some unknown reason

I never want to find.

Thoughts of meeting you the next day,

Create a weird excitement.

Sometimes I feel  am crazy

And needs a mental treatment.

Your care and concern for me

Makes me feel special.

The day that passes without talking to you

Seems very dull.

You have left me totally confused

With my own feelings,

I get messed up with myself

While doing anything.

I don’t understand

Whether I like you or not,

It’s the most confusing situation

In which I have ever got.

Even if I like you,

I won’t confess it to you.

Because I don’t think

Things can work out between us two.

You are waiting since a long time

To get a response from me,

But  always tell you to move on

Because I want to set you free.

Though, your moving on

Will surely hurt me,

But seeing you wasting your time in vain

Makes me feel guilty.

Please try

To understand my feelings,

And help me

To sort out these complicated things.

Please try to move on and

Find someone for you,

And help me in making my wish

For you to be happy come true.

SCRAPS 1

images (3)

The difference between a thief and an artist is that a thief’s innovation can be copied.

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You don’t need to be married to treat her like a wife.

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He scribbled something everyday:  I saw her, met her, crossed my fingers into hers. I wish to see her tomorrow.

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Loving him wasn’t the only choice she had, leaving him was the only one.

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